I was watching an old interview of Donald Glover on the Arsenio Hall Show. Mr. Glover made an interesting observation that hit home with me. He said that people are always asking for permission to do what they want to do. For instance, he runs into fans who will ask him what he thinks about them going into acting or pursuing a music career. He said that he tells them to go for it in a "who am I to tell you no" sort of way.
I found it interesting because I too am guilty of surveying the crowd before trying anything. It's as if when everyone I know approves of my new venture there is no possible way that I could fail. And even if I do fail, then it won't be as bad because it was a group decision that we made regarding my life.
Even deeper - I think it's just hard for me to view myself as anyone special. My thoughts of "maybe I should... blah blah blah" are often followed by "what's so special about my blah blah blah that I should do anything with it at all?"
So I wait. I wait for validation. I wait for encouragement. I give little hints that I might be slightly talented in an area, and then wait for someone to ask more questions about it. And ultimately I wait on fulfilling my purpose as I would to board a flight, patiently listening for someone to call my number.
Surprise, surprise. The person I am waiting for is me.
I keep waiting on her to love me
But when she looks at me all she does is criticize
She picks me apart piece by piece
Until tears well up in the corners of my eyes
And then “chin up” she says
“No one wants to see you crying,
Catch a glimpse of you dying”
They want big smiles with your please and thank you
They want a “sure, no problem” before your “how may I help you?”
They want bells and whistles, confetti and tinsel
They want all you have to give, and then just a little…
Bit more of your time
More of your mind
More of your heart
Would you please be so kind…
As to walk on water
Sell me your first daughter
Bear the weight of all my troubles
Then and only then do I promise to love you